I'm a hypocrite.


I've always blamed my sister of escaping. Escaping her problems, escaping reality and turning her back away instead of just dealing, you know?


I realize that I'm exactly the same. I claim myself to be nomad, moving from place to place, jumping from scene to scene , from group of friends to another group of friends. I'm escaping from something. I've never stayed long enough anywhere to anchor down and make REAL caring friends. People have always just moved in and out of my life, the constants? My family. I never deal. I hide, I keep quiet, I cry. The phone rings and I'll leave it on silent. I go out with people I dont even fancy, insincerity so thick in the air I'm left spent. I dont know where I'm going. What I'm doing. All I want to do is run, and escape. Its funny how I used to always tease my parents of being loners. My dad is not the mamak type with colleagues ( never goes out with work mates ) and mum only has 1 bestfriend. I'm no different. Im alone most the time.

okay this is starting to sound like rant.

anyway, I found quote both unsettling and consoling.

“A man came to the Prophet, and asked him to compare the life in this world, to the life in the hereafter,” my uncle said. “The Prophet said to [the man] ‘If you dip your finger into the ocean, and take it out, the water left on your finger is like this world, and what’s left in the ocean is what’s still to come.’”
-Slice of Lemon

Im not going to admit I'm in love. Come on Sophie, you have no time to harbor such feelings for anyone.

Was listening to the band Vertical Horizon, their song "Everything You Want" on the KLIA express going back to Mutiara. The last part was like a jab at my sanity ;

I am everything you want,
I am everything you need,
I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be,
I say all the right things,
at the exactly the right time,
but I mean nothing to you and I dont know why.

who am I kidding. Im doing all of this for you.


but its not like you'll notice. Heck, you wont even care.