Its only been a few hours, but my brother's mess, the small spaces that arent even mine anymore are starting to get me irritated. Like a true weird nomad, I'm back at my parents place. Except its only been occupied by my brother, so the apartment and all its bachelour-scent glory is his. I'm not here for good though. Gosh whenever am I anywhere for good?

The A-levels Chapter of my life is finally over.I can finally breathe easy, and most importantly do things I've been dying to do with my photography, my travels, and dysfunctional family. There's talks of travels, promise of fables, dreams of a better and improved me. So much to work on, and ample time given to boot. Time to bag peaks, meet new people, and soak in life. SOAK IT INNNNN. WOOOHHHH. no holding back, no regrets. Just staying at home, playing sims till I collect dust and probably rot a little haha. I kid I kid.

"Great chatting, Sofiyah. Seriously, your work is incredible some of the most powerful documentary-style shots I've seen". - Photographer Dave Brosha from Canada. view his work here http://davebrosha.com/




I've stopped picking up my camera for months now.
Hope I havent lost touch with the shutter button completely.

I'll come back with a bang!

I just realized, where am I going to stay after my A-levels?


I've been living on my own for the past 2 years whilst studying my A levels, and now that I have a month left to go I have no clue what I'm going to do next.

I dont want to live with my brother, in my parents apartment in Shah Alam/subang, plus being the same building with the rest of my siblings. Heck, my room doesnt even have a bed anymore, my mom gave it way when I "moved out" to study.

And although going back to Dubai seems like a better option, I'm sure my parents dont want to live with me either. They're used to their space and routines and having me there dossing around will irritate them.

Another thing that sucks? No Iqa, no Hannah, no Sha, no Cheryl, no Rob.

feels like the minute my A levels ends, someone's gonna cut all my strings and I'll be left to fall.

I'm a hypocrite.


I've always blamed my sister of escaping. Escaping her problems, escaping reality and turning her back away instead of just dealing, you know?


I realize that I'm exactly the same. I claim myself to be nomad, moving from place to place, jumping from scene to scene , from group of friends to another group of friends. I'm escaping from something. I've never stayed long enough anywhere to anchor down and make REAL caring friends. People have always just moved in and out of my life, the constants? My family. I never deal. I hide, I keep quiet, I cry. The phone rings and I'll leave it on silent. I go out with people I dont even fancy, insincerity so thick in the air I'm left spent. I dont know where I'm going. What I'm doing. All I want to do is run, and escape. Its funny how I used to always tease my parents of being loners. My dad is not the mamak type with colleagues ( never goes out with work mates ) and mum only has 1 bestfriend. I'm no different. Im alone most the time.

okay this is starting to sound like rant.

anyway, I found quote both unsettling and consoling.

“A man came to the Prophet, and asked him to compare the life in this world, to the life in the hereafter,” my uncle said. “The Prophet said to [the man] ‘If you dip your finger into the ocean, and take it out, the water left on your finger is like this world, and what’s left in the ocean is what’s still to come.’”
-Slice of Lemon

Im not going to admit I'm in love. Come on Sophie, you have no time to harbor such feelings for anyone.

Was listening to the band Vertical Horizon, their song "Everything You Want" on the KLIA express going back to Mutiara. The last part was like a jab at my sanity ;

I am everything you want,
I am everything you need,
I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be,
I say all the right things,
at the exactly the right time,
but I mean nothing to you and I dont know why.