suitcase skeletons

My heart sank when I saw my handphone screen blink Tan's name and vibrate dangerously. 7pm and I knew he was expecting me to be at the airport with him, bursting of excitement at the thought of our next adventure. I hesitated, my mum noticed and asked. I told her my little secret and she just frowned. I knew this was avoidable, breaking this news to Tan at the 11th hour. It was disrespectful of me, I was aware of that. Amongst all that agreed to go, I was probably the most enthusiastic about the whole thing. We both shared our fondness and dire need to go back into the forest ,finding solace with the Penans. Telling him I was pulling out would just shock him. The thought of Tan being disappointed in me wrapped me up in this bubble of fear.

I told him anyway, and what I feared the most is exactly what happened. Soon after our conversation ended, my phone died. He mentioned he left his new camera behind because he knew I was coming. I was stricken with guilt.


When I switched on my phone a 2 hours later I received his message to collect his camera from his home in PJ and bring it to the airport. Ludicrous, I thought. Yet I understood where he was coming from. This was all my fault. Nonetheless, by the time I got his message it was too late and he was well on his way to Sarawak already. Second pang of guilt.


He should be back in KL now, with Justin and the rest. After my last minute pull-out I hardly think I even deserve to see any photos taken by the group or thrill myself with their fables of trekking for the week.