suitcase skeletons

Sometimes, when I cant sleep and my fingers are curled around the edges of my blanket, I think about purposeless things.

For example how I have no idea where 90% of the people I knew in high-school are. What they're currently doing , if they're actually still alive. I haven't talked to most of them, heck all of them except for maybe 5 people , in 2 years. I haven't seen ANY of them for 2 years. Since that fateful day when we were excited, sad, disappointed, and elated about that flimsy result slip in our hands. None of us said proper goodbyes simply because we'd knew we'd see each other again. Funny enough, once we all kick started our college/uni education, we never did.

I don't have a childhood friend that Im still in contact with, I didn't have a bestfriend that lasted my whole high-school years. I don't have a best friend from high school that's with me now. I do have best friends from college now, yes. Loosely using that term "best friend", I see them as the "best" of the circle of friends that I have rather than that term "best friend" whom I am constantly with, confide with, shop with, cry with.

I get jealous when people say they hang out with their high-school friends, their childhood friends when I always just hang out with books or my thoughts hanging in the air.